The Gibbler Gazette

24 Jan

Full House was probably the best show on television.  It gave us the Olsen twins for crying out loud (and who can live without movies like “When in Rome” and “In a New York Minute”?)! With that being said, Stephanie Tanner was my idol. Unfortunately my fourth grade classmates thought of me more as a Kimmy Gibbler.  Let me rephrase that, most of my fourth grade class thought I WAS Kimmy Gibbler.  How Rude!

I had just moved to the twin cities (yeah, big time) and was attending our local public school, “North End Elementary.”  Eighty percent of my fellow scholars were Hmong.  What the heck is Hmong you’re asking (unless you’re from Minnesota because then obviously you know!)

“The Hmong are members of an ethnic group that has lived in Southeast Asia for thousands of years. Although they have not had a country of their own, they have developed their own independent culture within their small mountainous farming communities. During the Vietnam War in the 1960s & 70s the Hmong people in Laos partnered with the Americans to fight against Southeast Asian Communists, and many became refugees when Laos fell to a Communist group in 1975. Although there are Hmong in Thailand, Vietnam and China, nearly all of the Hmong who settled in the U.S. are from Laos. The Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota, have become a primary resettlement center for these Hmong refugees, and currently Minnesota boasts the second highest Hmong population in the U.S.”

I loved my Asian friends and even mastered the necessary vocabulary to carry on meaningful conversations in their native tongue:

“ 1, 2, 3, 4,5”

“hello”

“You farted”

“Goodbye.

(sounds like; Eee, Aaaww, Bay, Blou, Gee.  Na jong.  Guchee pou! Cee Gee Doo-aaw.)

 

One day a classmate came running over to me and said, “You on tv! We have famous moveee stahh in crass!”  I was naturally flattered.  Who me?

“Yeeesss, Kimmy Gibbler!! You DJ’s friend.”

Seriously!?  What the eff. No one liked stupid Gibbler.  She was weird, had smelly feet and didn’t even have a boyfriend until like the 23rd season! I shook my head no and told him it wasn’t possible for me to be The Gibbler because I was obviously at school and not filming at a studio.  Oh and I was way better looking too.

The next day in the cafeteria a whole table of my Hmong friends started yelling at me, “Kimmy, we have table for you!  Come sit wiff us.”  I rolled my eyes and ate alone in the hall with my Lisa Frank trapper keeper.  But it didn’t stop.  The following week virtually every kid in my grade was calling me’ Kimmy Gibbler’ or ‘Full House Neighbor’.  My diary pages were filled with furious scribbles, something had to be done.  Obviously I would have preferred to be Stephanie, but at the end of the day these kids all thought I was famous and on tv.  What to do.  What to do…

I milked it.

Xong Lee carried my backpack.  May Tou saved me a seat on the bus.  And I signed autographs galore.

“Yeah, uncle Jesse is actually pretty cool in real life,  We’re dating.”

It was fantastic.

A literary genius at an early age

 

Unfortunately it didn’t last very long.  At some point a stupid white kid pointed out some obvious flaws to my pseudo identity.  Jerk.  I ended up getting accepted to a performing arts magnet school for fifth grade and that was the end of Kimmy Gibbler. RIP.

As the years have passed I can’t help but wonder where is the real Kimmy Gibbler now!?  She just fell off the Earth.  I mean she hasn’t even been on Lifetime or in a bad ABC family made-for-tv movie (ahem, Blossom’s Joey).

In episode Those Better Not Be the Days from season 3 (where they look into the future and see what the girls are like as adults), Kimmy is portrayed as a woman who wears a tight dress and is good-looking. Joey says, “Yeah. I’m really going to start being more nice to Kimmy Gibbler”.

BAM suckahs! Bet she’s smokn hot now and a rocket scientist.

…Or, she’s hosting drag night at Hamburger Mary’s in West Hollywood?

 

How did I miss this event!?

 

Oh well, it sure beats being Stephanie…

 

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3 Responses to “The Gibbler Gazette”

  1. Sandy Warn January 24, 2012 at 11:52 am #

    Wow – there is a resemblence!

  2. Jessica Miller January 24, 2012 at 12:11 pm #

    Wow, you do look like Kimmy Gibbler! Fascinating! Stephanie actually went to my junior high (years before me) and all the teachers told us what a wild child she was. So years later when her Real Life “I was a Child Star” story came out I felt so ahead of the times! Thank you, Mr. Barnett…

    Xoxo

  3. auntie p. January 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm #

    “You on tv! We have famous moveee stahh in crass!” not very PC I must say, but then, look who is talking? I am with your mom at the casino and for some reason around that time I would fall into an asian accent whenever I said “dollar” so I won $5.00 on a penny machine and I said “I won fi dollah” just then an asian man sitting on the other side of your mom got up and gave me a nasty look and walked away, I did’t see him there and I did learn my lesson, i don’t do accents anymore except an occasional “uffdah” on the other hand while at chinese buffet recently, someone had a birthday and the PA played the recorded birthday song and I couldn’t help but giggle when I heard “happy burseday to you”

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